I Wasn't Prepared
by aylarouge
Summary: Dean thought he was the only one who felt like this until Sam said something Dean wasn't prepared for.


**Author's Note:** This was written last year a few months before _Goodbye My Lover_. I just didn't know if this was to NC-17 for this site. Well, reading others fics like mine, I'm chancing it. Hope you all enjoy. Beta by **A. D.** (or well that's the name on their email. Also they did this back in 2008. I have a new beta now.) but they haven't emailed me back after the first edit so any mistakes it's all my felt.

Song: I Wasn't Prepared by Eisley

**Blah** The song

_Blah _Dean's thoughts

**SPN  
**

There are many things in life people are not prepared for. For Dean, it was the day he fell in love. It wasn't because Dean thought he would never love anyone, though if you knew Dean (which you properly don't, seeing as he isn't friendly with most), you would say that with the way he lives and the way he grew up, he couldn't love. Which Dean would disagree. It wasn't because it was a guy. Hey, love is love to Dean. Who gives a fuck if it is a man or a woman, it's the warmth and the affection Dean gets from the person that he enjoys (though fucking is always good and pussies are just easier to get to). No, it wasn't because of these that Dean had a hard time with it. It was the fact that he, Dean, fell in love with his baby brother.

**Oh, when the day is blue**

**I'll sit here wondering about you**

When Sam was thirteen years old he went on a hunt with their dad, and himself. The hunt wasn't supposed to be that bad. It was a Zombie, straight and to the point. But things got complicated once they all found out that they had to deal with the one who raised this thing from the dead (who had a great knowledge with weapons and hand-to-hand fighting). Sam broke his arm and dislocated his shoulder; causing pain like Dean had never saw Sam go through. Knowing how long it took pain like that to lessen, Sam was on bed rest. Of course with their family "business" they didn't get a whole lot of money, so Sam and Dean were sharing a room together.

Dean took care of Sam that week. He was there when Sam had his nightmares of the hunt and he was there when Sam's fever broke. And some time in that week Dean was taking care of his brother, he grew to love him. Love him more then a brother should. It wasn't right and Dean couldn't handle it. He wasn't prepared for this kind of feelings for Sam so he did what he thought was right. Deny it and hope to fucking god that it would go away. But it never did and because of Dean's feeling, both brothers was never as close as they once were. With the relationship between the two brothers lessen, Sam patient with their father grew short. He wanted normal and their lives were anything but that. So Sam left, off to collage to find his normal.

**And how the pollen fell all around your face**

**In strange yellow patterns, but**

When Sam started to hunt with Dean again, Dean thought he could take it. He thought that he could be around his brother (who he was madly in love with and had wet dreams about) twenty-four-seven, hunting and driving around with, and yeah, Dean could take that bit of their lives. What he couldn't take, the part he wasn't prepared for, were the nights sleeping in the same room. He could hear, see and feel the grief, guilt and love he still had for Jess. Now that, Dean wasn't prepared to handle and it was that that hurt the most for him. He got to see Sam, his little brother and the man he loved, hurting and in pain and there was nothing he could fucking do about it.

Well as time what by, Dean learnt to handle sleeping so close (so fucking close!) to his brother and Sam slowly got over Jess and her death. And everything seemed alright. Both brothers were getting close again and Dean could let himself believe that they could be as close they used to be before he turned into a fucking nut case and messed everything up.

**I wasn't prepared for this, I...**

**I wasn't prepared for this, I...**

"Dean" Sam called out to his brother as he walked into their crappy motel room. Sam swore this one was the worst.

"Hey Sam, what's up?" Dean called out from the bathroom. Sam set the food on the table and sat on his bed (furthest from the door). He stared at the bathroom door hiding his brother and wondered when he was going to come out.

"Foods here" Sam told the door. Which he didn't really like to talk to, seeing as it said nothing back to him.

"Great, I'm starved." Dean said as he walked out from the bathroom, only in a towel. He walked over to their dinner (a large pizza and a six pack of beer) and dropped his towel.

"What the hell Dean?" Sam asked, turning away from his bother ass.

"What?" Dean asked back as he pulled on a pair of old, worn out boxers. "I'm getting dressed man, sometimes you act like a girl." Dean pulled a slice of pizza and took a can of beer.

"Well tell me before hand so I can be looking else where."

"Why?"

Sam looked at his brother hard, and then got up to grab some pizza for himself, passing on the beer, "Because I don't want to be seeing your pale, white ass."

Both ate their small meal in silence after that. Dean was wondering how much longer he could handle this. Never since Dad died, had Dean felt needier. All he can think about was holding Sam, touching Sam, kissing Sam and – well you get the picture. Every time he woke up in the morning, he would look over to where Sam was sleeping and feel a need to slip in to bed with him.

**When the morning came,**

**The bees flew down and wrapped themselves around me**

**And that's when I spoke the word to**

**Have them trace your face for me in pollen. But...**

"Dude, what now?" Sam asked after his fifth piece of pizza.

"Sleep?" Dean replied.

"Not tired."

"Well then go on the computer or something." Dean got up and slipped under the coves of his bed. "All I know is that I'm tired and I'm going to bed. We have to be in Louisville by ten tomorrow morning and it'll take four hours to drive there. So I want sleep."

Ok, so that was a total lie, but what could he have said, 'Why don't we fuck until we can't think straight then wake up and confess our undying love for one another?' Fat chance. Sam must have turned the light off and gone to bed himself, for once Dean opened his eyes (and when the hell did he close them? Maybe Dean really did need sleep) it was dark in the room and Dean couldn't see the glow of the computer or from the bathroom. With a sigh Dean rolled on his back and put his hands under his head.

**I wasn't prepared for this, I...**

**I wasn't prepared for this, I...**

'_This is starting to kill me,'_ he thought. _'It's bad enough I have to drive with him, eat with him, share the same fucking bathroom with him, but I have sleep in the same fucking room as him. How the fuck can I keep doing this with out fucking his brains out?'_ If the answer was going to come to Dean, it wasn't going to be from his own mind, or the ceiling for that matter.

"Dean?"

'_When the fuck did he wake up? Did he ever go to sleep? Why am I so fucking nervous? Calm down Dean, you did nothing wrong.'_

"Yeah Sam?"

"Do you believe in love at first sight?" Sam sounded like he was staring up at the ceiling himself, trying to find his answer there too.

"Well yeah sure. Why?" Dean was getting more nervous and he still didn't know why.

"Because I think I've done that."

**Come, come back to me my, my darling**

**Come, come back to me my, my darling**

Dean couldn't breathe. He couldn't speak. All that was running through his head was _'What the fuck?'_

"Sam?" Dean didn't know what he was asking or why, but he asked anyway.

"Do you think that all love is good?" It sounded like Sam had turned to look at Dean.

"Yeah I do. You can't stop people from loving and they're not hurting you when they do, so why the fuck should you care?" Yup, Sam was looking at Dean now and why the fuck was he asking this? _'Could he love me like I love him?'_ Dean told his brain to shut the fuck up and listened to their brother.

"Even if people say it's not…right?"

Now Sam sounded like he was getting out of bed. _'What the hell? What's going on here? Where's Sam going and what the fuck is he talking about?'_

"Who cares what people think? The only thing you should be worried about is what you think. Why are you asking me this Sammy?"

"Because, because…"

**I wasn't prepared for this, I...**

**I wasn't prepared for this, I...**

"Because I love you Dean" Sam said as he lay down on top of his brother and his sheets.

"Wh-what?" Dean stared wide eyed at his Sammy. _'Did he just say that to me?'_

"I know it's not right Dean and I know that you're my brother, but I can't help it. You're the only thing I have in this word that I can trust. My life wouldn't be complete without you in it. I can't see myself in the future unless you're there with me…Dean?"

Dean felt like he couldn't breathe. He felt like he hadn't breathed in two years. He was in shocked. _'Say something damn it! This is your only chance, don't fuck things up!'_

"Sam…Sammy…I…I…love you." Dean got out through the lump in his throat.

"How much Dean? How much?" Sam looked so sad and so eager. It was a weird face and if things weren't like this, Dean would have laughed at it.

"I love you. I'm in love with you. I've loved you since you were thirteen. I've been waiting for you to say that to me for so long."

Sam cut him off with a kiss. Dean groaned at Sam's soft lips and his tongue licking at his own. Dean opened his mouth for his brother and felt that tongue lick at everything in reach and oh god, that felt so good. Dean's hands found their way into Sam's hair, pulling him closer to his mouth and thrusting his own tongue into Sam's mouth.

"Dean," Sam gasped and Dean pulled him back down. One hand moved from the back of Sam's head and ran down his back, landing on his ass. He squeezed it and Sam gave a moan and sat up. Pushing the sheets down and pulling Dean's shirt off, both of them got Dean undressed from the waist up. Running his hands down Dean's front, Sam pulled, pinched and rubbed one of Dean's nipples.

Dean pushed Sam back and straddled his hips in one quick movement. Kissing Sam again, Dean ran his hands down Sam's front, much like Sam had been doing before, rubbing and pinching Sam's own nipples. Sam ached into Dean's touch and moaned. Moving down Sam's front, Dean cupped the bulge in Sam's boxers, squeezing and sliding his hand up and down. Sam thrust into Dean's hand and threw his head back.

Smiling, Dean pulled Sam's boxers off and threw them somewhere on the floor. Turning back to his brother, he stared at the beautiful body in front of him. Sam's head was tilted to the left, just a little, his eyes were half closed in lust and his cock was lying on this stomach. 'Fuck' went though Dean's mind and how couldn't it? That cock looked good enough to eat. So Dean did.

Sam's eyes flow open and he cried out. Man, where did Dean learn that? Dean smiled around the cock in his mouth, humming. Sam arced off the bed and moaned. Dean pulled back up and pushed right back down, all the time sucking and licking the beautiful cock. He pulled up to the head and licked the rim where the head connected with the shaft and Sam swore he saw white.

"Dean…I'm gonna…" And Dean hummed again and Sam cried out as he came in his brother's mouth. And Dean swallowed every last bit of it.

"Dean…Dean…Dean…Fuck me please. Oh _please_ fuck me." Sam begged and pulled Dean up by the shoulders. Dean came, panting all the way.

Dean kissed Sam long and hard, letting Sam taste himself on Dean's tongue.

Sam broke the kiss and flipped Dean over so he was on this back. Smiling he took Dean's member and started to move his hand up and down. Dean gasped and moaned and grabbed onto Sam's moving biceps.

"Sammy, if you don't stop I'm gonna come." Dean warned him, closing his eyes. Sam stopped his movements and leaded closer to Dean and the pillows. Opening his eyes he saw Sam pull a tube of lube out from under his pillow, which he didn't have before.

"You're going to watch?" Sam asked with a sexy grin.

"Fuck yes," Dean sat up on his elbows.

Taking off the lid of the lube Sam coated his fingers and reached down to his opening. Pushing two fingers in, he moaned and threw back his head, thrusting himself onto his own fingers. 'I swear that's the hottest thing I have ever seen.' Dean thought as he watched his brother finger fuck himself.

"Fuck Dean." Sam said and pulled out his fingers. Grabbing Dean's cock, he coated that in lube and held it as he sat down.

"Damn Sam. I'm don't think I'm going to last that long." Dean panted out.

Sam just sighed and pulled back up. He was so tight; Dean was worried that this was his first time. It felt so sinfully good that Dean wished he could do this all day, but the pull and tug of Sam was pushing him too far.

"Almost there Sammy, almost there." Dean chanted. With one final push down and a tight squeeze from Sam, Dean was yelling out as semen flowed out of his body and into Sam.

After Dean got his breath back, he pulled Sam up and off of him. Pushing Sam on his side, Dean spooned him.

"Sam?" Dean asked after a minute or two.

"Yeah Dean?" Sam turned a bit to try and see Dean's face.

"I wasn't prepared for this," Sam smiled and Dean smiled back, "and I love you." After a kiss both men lied back down and closed their eyes. Soon both were asleep, smiles on their faces and happiness in their hearts.

**When the day is blue**

**I'll sit here wondering about you...**


End file.
